Saturday, May 21, 2011

Be. the. best that you can be.

In my mind I am envisioning a huge executive desk....   A hand crafted 'Alex Stuart' Design Oak Executive Desk With Glass top, 3 pull out writing areas,  6 drawers, and a fancy gold plated name plate that sits front and center with my name engraved on it.  Megan R. Jox.

On top of my desk sits my PC, because I'm still embarrassingly untrained on a mac, and because I most certainly need my computer in order to put down my thoughts, compress my pictures, surf the web, edit my videos, check my email, and Skye my long losts....

Beside my computer sits my calculator.  I most certainly need my calculator because i financially maintain (using that word loosely) my own business, music endeavors, and family and its imperative that continually crunch numbers.  My calculator reveals my caloric intake for a meal along with my fat grams.  My calculator helps keep my brain from exploding and my heart from fretting.

Next to my calculator is blank paged cure all notebook.  The pages are line less and free to keep any thought, idea, training session, recipe, story, accounted for in some fashion.  Most of the times I keep my plans for my clients upcoming workouts in here because this notebook goes everywhere with me all the time.  Its not the most organized, but its certainly the most reliable traveler.

I have a cup of brand new pens on this side.  The click kind, with the ball point end.  I've never been much of a caped pen girl, it always seemed like too much hassle and I would always end up chewing the lids to a shameful pulp.  My psych teacher informed my I have a oral fixation problem, I guess that sounds right. ;)

Sitting on the other side of my  computer sits my lamp.  I ALWAYS have this thing on.  I love light.  Since the time I was small I consistently have a issue of leaving every light in the house on.  Not because I like to waste energy but simply because I love light.  I want to see as much as I can see.  Light in and of itself seems to breed life and energy, two things I'm always wanting more of.

Next to my lamp is Ryan. Not literally Ryan that would be silly.`But my GQ picture of Ryan.  Ryan has always been so encouraging to me, and I love having him, even if it is 2 dimensional next to me at all times. 

Beside Ryan sits my baby monitor.  Generally if I'm at my desk Gabe would have to be sleeping.  Not much 'desk worthy' tasks actually get completed if he isn't.  So at my desk I listen.

I stand 5 feet in front of my desk, just staring at it....looking at the things I have neatly in their place.  The glass topped desk is freshly cleaned and streak free.  In my mind I'm standing in a huge office 3 of the walls are all glass and overlook the city 26 floors below....its quite and the I just stare at my desk.  All of a sudden people start rushing in to my office with mounds of papers!  Files, and boxes! the huge glass doors that separated me from silence and the rest of my made up corporate conscience are now swinging open and closed more rapidly then they were made to do, and with each swing of the door my desk becomes buried in another foot of "paper work".  I'm dumbfounded and over whelmed uncertain of how to make all of this stop, this goes on and on for what seems like hours and finally just when the door had stopped swinging for a few seconds, time enough for me to thing it was over....the mail boy enters.  He looks at my once neat, clean organized very focused desk and takes a deep breath.  Instead of laying the letter he had for me on my desk he just looks at me apologetically and hands me the business size envelope and quickly scurries out of the room to avoid any glares I might usher his way..... My lip quivers a moment and then I look down at the envelope addressed to me.  I take my finger, and my disheartened heart and separate the envelope lip from its companion...I pull out the single piece of paper which read....

"Be the best you can be"

..............................BE THE BEST I CAN BE?.......................................................................
Was this some sort of sick joke?  How can I be the best I can be when I can't even find what I'm suppose to be the BEST at?  I've got so much piled on top of me it would take a superhero to be the BEST at all of this.  Can't the person who sent me this letter SEE by the fire hazard on my desk I'll be lucky to make it out alive let alone be the BEST at all the things I clearly need to refile?  But then a calm comes over me and still small voice says to me....."You can't"............."I Can".  

Over the past 2 weeks, I have been out on the road with my family.  No clients to call, no workouts to organize, no concerts to sing, no moral obligations or deadlines to meet.  I've been here.  I can almost breathe.  I can almost see clearly.  I want so bad to do so many things.  I'd like to be a ninja, truly.  I always wanted to be a gymnast, a figure skater, currently I want to train to get into fitness modeling, I want to be the best trainer to all the women I work for, I want to be the best mom and wife to Gabe and Ryan, I want to write the best songs, I want to be the best Christ follower.  i want to be the best friend, the best financial keeper, the best house cleaner, the best gardener, the best, the best the best the best............ The papers all over my desk represent my thoughts, my worries, all MY personal desires and ALL the things I have created on my own to be the "best" at.  But I'm not certain God created me to be the best at all of these.  So in my mind, I see my desk in all of its cluttered, ransacked glory....I walk up to it, I take my arm and I sweep the whole thing clean.  Yup, straight on to the floor.  I look down into the glass top..."Hey!" *wink and shoot my fingers at my reflection and walk over to floor and dig diligently through the mess.  The first thing I pick up is the light.  I set it bck on my desk.  Next I pick up my picture of Ryan, and place it next to my light.  After that my monitor.  And after that I just sit in silence.  This is really what I've got to do.  In order to truly be the best at anything you must dedicate your life to it.  I'm tired of attempting to be the best at things God has not asked me to be the best at.  He is the only one who can prepare me to be the best at anything, so doesn't it make sense i allow Him and only Him to fill my "to-do" box? :) 

Lord that you would give me, give us all the strength to say no to things that we love but are not Your best for us.  Thank you for helping us hear your voice clearly in directing us in how you want us to spend our time and energy.  Our desire is to see you glorified in all things.